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It was early afternoon on the first Sunday of March at the Upper Grant Creek home of the Ole Geezer and the Geezerous. After being in church all morning, they had just finished lunch and now relaxing in the TV room were just starting to watch a basketball game on TV, while at the same time observing three wild tom turkeys that were in the back yard eating bird seed that had fallen onto the lawn from the birdfeeders hanging on trees in the back yard. All of a sudden they heard a “bonk, bonk” noise ….. A dull thud noise …… Something like a rubber ball hitting a window …… There it was again …… “Bonk, Bonk” ….. A little louder this time …. Then again, “BONK, BONK”. It sounded like it was coming from the dining room area, where there is a six foot by six foot sliding glass door that overlooks the back yard.

They both peeked around the corner of the dining room and there was the largest of the tom turkeys peckin’ on the sliding glass door. He was fighting with the reflection of himself. His body was puffed up, his wings partially spread, his tail feathers flared out and his red neck waddle slightly expanded.

You could almost hear him sayin’, ” Hey, turkey, ur trespassin’ on my territory.” Peck, Bonk …… “Wow you got a hard head.” Peck, Bonk ….. “Gracious sakes alive. Ur chest is just as hard.” Peck, Peck, Bonk …… “Huh …. And ur legs and feets is jest as hard as ur head.” Peck, Peck, Bonk, Bonk ……. “COME ON TURKEY GET OUT’A HERE …….. OR FIGHT …… OR DO SOMETHIN’, DON’T JUST STAND THERE.”

That stupid tom was peckin’ like crazy at the turkey reflection he saw in the window. First he’d peck at the head, then the breast area and then the legs and feet area. This went on from five to ten minutes. While the dumb turkey was beatin’ his head silly on the glass, Ryan, the great blond hunter, and Kinsey, the bear dog, also known as the turkey ski-daddler, came in the front door.

When Kinsey saw the stupid turkey a’ bangin’ its head on the glass door she went bonkers. The great blond hunter opened the sliding glass door to let Kinsey out and when that big tom saw the dog, he gobbled as loud as he could, “DAWG! DAWG! HEAD FER THE TREES, TURKEYS! HEAD FER THE TREES! IT’S THE DANG DAWG! IT’LL CHEW UR BEHIND GOOD IF WE DON’T SKI-DADDLE OUTA’ HERE …….. PRONTO!!!”

Those three tom turkeys took off a’ runnin’, flappin’ their wings as hard as they could and went a’ flyin’ to the top of the trees and then on up the canyon. Kinsey came trottin’ back with a big dog smile on her face as if sayin’ to the great blond hunter, “Did I do good, Boss man? Did I do good?”

Now I’m sure you all know that the state bird for Montana, Wyoming and Oregon is the Meadowlark; California, it’s the Quail, Texas it’s the Mockingbird and in Washington it is the Willow Goldfinch. And of course the national bird for the USA is the Golden Eagle.

But the wild Turkey is so stupid, that the only state it is good for, is the state of hunger …….. our hunger ……. on Thanksgiving Day.
Sure glad I ain’t a turkey …….. How ’bout you?

Papa (Jim Diede)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 13th, 2007 at 2:10 pm and is filed under Upper Grant Creek.