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The family of The Ole Geezer (a Rufous Hummingbird) and The Geezeress (an 18 foot tall lady Giraffe), decided to take a winter vacation together, so they all headed to the snow covered mountains in the newest U.S. state, the State of Confusion. I’m sure you know that the State of Confusion is located near a place called Somewhere Else Land and exists only in the minds of people who believe that a hummingbird and a female giraffe could have a family of diverse animal off spring.

The daughter, Mich the female Eagle and her husband, GW the Skunk, and their children, RJ the male Jaguar (sometimes Shark) and Willy the male Eagle were escorted in a 40 foot motor home to a Ski Resort by their human pathfinder and scout, Kinsey a former Finnish Spitz Dog, who had located and made reservations at this specific resort ahead of time.

The number one son, BJ the male Lion, and his wife, Lizzy the female house Cat, with their children, Emy the female Eagle (sometimes Penguin) and Topher the male Dog, were driven to the Ski Resort in a limo by their chauffeur, Charlie (a former Carin Terrier Dog and now the human entertainment finder and performer), who had reserved the necessary skis, snow boards and snowmobile equipment.

The number two son, CJ the male Sea Turtle and his wife, Ter’rell the lady Turtle and their children, Gwener the female Kitty and BoJam the male Elephant were flown in on a helicopter from the Tropics by Jag (a former Beagle Dog), their human pilot and gourmet food specialist. It took them three days to make the normally one day trip, ’cause Jag had to stop to make advance food preparations for the family get-together; plus he gets hungry……often….. and……well……just likes to re-fuel his body…..frequently. By the way, the helicopter they flew in on was a new big Boeing CH-47DF Chinook Cargo Helicopter. (It takes a lot of oomph to lift an Elephant up in the air ya know.)

The Ole Geezer and Greezeress arrived after all the children and grandchildren were there, via a stage coach pulled by four white horses. They decided to make a “grand entrance”. It was an open top coach….for obvious reasons.

By the time the whole family entered the huge meeting hall at the resort, Jag had a gigantic spread of every type of food imaginable laid out on a multitude of tables, mangers and food troughs. (You could see that he had already sampled it all.) Everybody was famished, so they all chowed down like…..like….a bunch of animals.

After a good night’s sleep and a big breakfast the next morning the whole crew was ready for a day of play in the snow. Most of the parents decided to do their best at getting to the top of the mountain called the Peak of Success. GW the Skunk lead the way on a new Polaris snowmobile, followed by BJ the male Lion, Lizzy the female House Cat and Mich the female Eagle, all on skis. CJ the male Sea Turtle and Ter’rel the female Turtle rode to the top of the peak in a snow sled trailer being pulled behind the snowmobile driven by GW the Skunk. CJ the Sea Turtle had been a pretty good skier in his younger years, but since he and his wife, Ter’rel the Turtle were now from the Tropics, they weren’t used to all the snow. They had decided that once the got to the top of the Peak of Success, they would try snow boarding……on their backs. After all the shell on a turtle’s back is sort’a, kind’a like a snow board…….isn’t it? By the way, sometime ago GW the Skunk, because of his wife’s engouragement, had a deodorization operation, plus he now uses a lot of Old Spice shaving cologne. Therefore riding behind him was now tolerable.

When the parents were on their way, the children took off on “their” excursion, skiing and snow boarding down the mountain directly behind the resort. RJ the male Jaguar, Willy the male Eagle and BoJam the male Elephant on snow boards, accompanied on skies by Emy the female Eagle, Topher the male Dog and Gwener the Kitty. They all skied and boarded down the slope in great fashion; only Gwener the Kitty lost control, missed a turn and ended up on top of an ice covered lake. The ice broke, and she went into the water. She mewed and mewed at the top of her voice. When her cousins heard her cries for help, they all skedaddled to her rescue post haste.

When they saw her predicament, RJ the Jaguar jumped into the water, turning into RJ the Shark, followed by Emy the Eagle who turned into Emy the Penguin as she hit the water. Willy the Eagle shed his snow board, flew into the air and shouted directions to the swimming rescuers so they could find Gwener. With Topher sittin’ on his head, BoJam tramp, tramp, tramped back and forth on the shoreline both ready to help in any way they could. Topher also was barkin’ directioins. Quicker’n snot on a greased walla walla onion in a hot skillet, RJ and Emy together quickly had their cousin in tow and on dry land before you could shout, “Jumpin’ Jay-hoss-eh-frats”. As soon as they got to the shore, BoJam the Elephant had filled his lungs and was blowing hot air all over the victim and the rescuers, drying them off and Topher was lickin’ their faces to warm them up. Willy the Eagle was doin’ cart wheels and roll overs in the air and squawkin’, “Yippee, Yippee, aaaaaa”, at the top of his voice. They had saved their cousin!

Gwener the Kitty was so shocked by the experience and the speed at which she had been saved that she didn’t even think about crying. They were all exhausted, so they gathered up their gear, headed back to the resort and joined the Ole Geezer and Geezeress, who had decided to stay in the lodge and play games, etc. with Kinsey, Charlie and Jag.

The young’uns no sooner’n got back to the ski lodge when a call came in that some folks were stranded atop the Peak of Success. Seems the Turtles found they couldn’t snow board on their backs ’cause all they was a’doin’ was a’spinnin’ around like tops and gettin’ nowhere fast, so they were exhausted; GW’s snowmobile broke down and he couldn’t fix it; and the three skiers were too tuckered out to do any good. Sooooooo, the three human bein’s, Kinsey, Charlie and Jag each jumped snowmobiles with snow sled trailers in tow behind and scurried on up the peak “to the rescue”. By the time they returned, some of the young’uns had baked up a mess a’ cookies, pies and cakes. But…. everyone was so tired they couldn’t eat. Therefore, the whole crew, except one, went to bed.

Never fear thoough,………the cookies, pies and cakes didn’t go to waste…….. Jag….(the former Beagle Dog)……waited ’til everyone had left the room and …….

Papa (Jim Diede)
P;S. The whole family went home the next day. It was a general consensus that the next family vacation would be somewhere in the tropics.