rube.com

If the following dissertation seems dull, boring and/or a bit corny, keep in mind that it may have been PD medication induced insomnia inspired and was assimilated and written about 2 or 3 AM in the morning. Now, I know that some of you professionals probably do some of your most creative and brilliant work at that time of the day, when the family and the majority of the rest of the world are sound asleep and out of your hair. However, MY body was originally designed by God for that time of day to be utilized in partaking of ZZZZZ’S. OK, OK, OK, .so’s as to not make a short story any longer, let’s get on with the saga.

One Wednesday evening a little after dusk in the middle of October, 2006, I was sittin’ in my favorite chair, gently rocking back and forth as I alternated from watching TV, reading a book and gazing out the window where I can see the five bird feeders, the three squirrel feeders and the area where other wildlife occasionally meanders thru lookin’ for food, or maybe at this time of year, thinkin’ ’bout courtin’.

Now, you may recall that I do set out food for the various species of birds and tease the squirrels by making them work for peanut butter and other tid bits of goodies, but I do discourage the idea of humanoids feeding deer, coyotes and bear. You may also recall that about a year and one half ago we attached several strips of metal around the trunk of the seven feet in diameter tree from which most of the bird feeders hang. And you may also remember that last year this brilliant metal device caused a two or three year old bear to slip and fall from this tree when he attempted to climb up and partake of some bird feed. With that said, let us continue.

It had just started to get dark on this particular brisk fall night when all of a sudden I noticed a huge ghost of a black shadow appear directly below the bird feeders. The shadow, which I immediately recognized as a big black bear, surveyed the area for a few seconds went directly to the bird feeder tree trunk and started to climb. When one of his paws caught on the edge of the metal strip, he hesitated briefly and slowly climbed back down. I could almost hear that big bruin say, “Oh no…..you ain’t a gonna catch me wit dat ting dis year………Duh…..I fell on my tush last year when I tried climbin’ over dat shinee stuff an’ I ain’t a gonna do it dis time. No sir,……I ain’t no dummy. Not me……Duh………No sir.”

That big fella then ambled over and stood up on his hind legs directly beneath the feeder that I had just recently filled with beef suet. Birds like this stuff, but them bears really LOVE it and can smell it from at least a half a mile away. I know, I know…….why did I put out beef suet at this time of the year when I knew it would probably attract bears??? Well to tell you the truth ………………Uh….. …………….Let’s just go on with the story…….OK?

Anyway, when this BIG fella stood on his hind legs, I thought I’d oppo my pants. (You DO know what oppo is, don’t you?)

The bird feeders are approximately eight feet off the ground and I thought, “If that big critter just jumps six inches, he’ll be able to glom on to that feeder.” That huge bear was a beautiful sight though; totally black except for a big white diamond shaped spot on his belly. Rather proud with a majestic domineering demeanor, and projecting the image that, “Dis is MY territory so don’t go messin’ witt me or I’ll take ya down.”

He stood there, and stood there, and stood there, just lookin’ around, sniffin’ and sniffin’…………..and then dropped down on all fours, walked around a time or two and if’n I still understand my bear lingo, I’m quite certain he muttered, “Ugh, if dees cheap skates ain’t a gonna let me have any goodies, I’m a gonna leave dem a deposit ta remember me by ………Duh…..yuk yuk yuk.”

And drop a deposit he did. Right there under the bird feeders. A BIG black stinky one! Then he wondered on down toward the Watson mansion, mumbling to himself, “I wonder if dees folks next door left their garage door open for me again…………or maybe dey left some Nabitt da rabbit grub layin’ around, or maybe da udder next door neighbors put a garbage can out early……………..I just gotta get me somethin’ ta eat. I can feel da cold weather just around da corner and………….yawn………..I’m startin’ ta get sleepy…….Maybe if I sing a song it’ll help keep me awake…………OHHHH, da bear went over da mountain, da bear went over da mountain, da bear went over da MOUNTAINNNNNNNNN………ta see what he could see.
……Man,…….. I just gotta get me somethin’ to eat………YAWN…..”

Two weeks later the deposit was half gone. Whatever the bruin ate, the Stellar’s Jays, Magpies, turkeys and other birds have also been enjoying the second hand remains of that big ole bruin’s black stinky deposit.

Papa

This entry was posted on Monday, October 30th, 2006 at 12:46 pm and is filed under Upper Grant Creek.